30 Red Flags in Dating You Really Shouldn’t Ignore (Trust Me on This!)
Hey there, fellow daters! Let’s have a little heart-to-heart, shall we? After years of writing about relationships (and, ahem, making plenty of my own mistakes), I’ve learned a thing or two about spotting trouble in paradise. Or should I say, spotting trouble before you even get to paradise?
We’re talking red flags, people. Those warning signs that pop up in dating that scream, “Danger ahead!” But here’s the thing – when we’re wrapped up in the excitement of a new romance, it’s all too easy to brush these flags aside or convince ourselves they’re not a big deal.
Well, I’m here to tell you: they are a big deal. And ignoring them can lead to a whole world of heartache down the line. So, let’s break down 30 red flags you absolutely shouldn’t ignore when you’re dating someone new. Buckle up, folks – this might get a bit real!
1. They’re Rude to Service Staff
I’m gonna start with this one because it’s such a telltale sign of someone’s character. If your date is snippy with the waiter, dismissive of the barista, or generally treats service staff like they’re beneath them, run for the hills!
Why it matters: How someone treats people they perceive as “beneath” them says a lot about their character. It often indicates a lack of empathy and respect for others. Plus, do you really want to be with someone who might embarrass you every time you go out?
2. They’re Always Late (Without Apologizing)
Look, we all run late sometimes. But if your date is consistently late and doesn’t even bother to apologize or acknowledge it? That’s a problem.
Why it matters: Chronic lateness without remorse shows a lack of respect for your time and a certain level of self-centeredness. It can also be a sign that they’re not that invested in seeing you.
3. They Talk About Their Ex… A Lot
A mention of an ex here and there is normal. But if your date can’t seem to go five minutes without bringing up their former flame, that’s a big ol’ red flag.
Why it matters: It could mean they’re not over their ex, or they’re still dealing with unresolved issues from that relationship. Either way, it doesn’t bode well for your budding romance.
4. They’re Glued to Their Phone
If your date spends more time scrolling through their phone than engaging with you, it’s time to reconsider.
Why it matters: It shows a lack of interest and respect. Dating is about getting to know each other, and that’s pretty hard to do when someone’s more interested in their Instagram feed than your conversation.
5. They’re Pushy About Physical Intimacy
Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy is waving a massive red flag.
Why it matters: This is not just a red flag – it’s a deal-breaker. Someone who pushes your boundaries in this area doesn’t respect you or your autonomy. Full stop.
6. They’re Jealous… Already
A little jealousy can be flattering, but if your new beau is already getting possessive or suspicious, watch out.
Why it matters: Early jealousy often escalates into controlling behavior. It can be a sign of insecurity or trust issues that could make for a very unhealthy relationship.
7. They’re Inconsistent in Their Communication
One day they’re blowing up your phone, the next they’re MIA for days. If their communication is all over the place, pay attention.
Why it matters: Inconsistent communication can be a sign of emotional unavailability or a lack of genuine interest. It can also lead to a lot of anxiety and uncertainty on your part.
8. They’re Still Active on Dating Apps
You’ve been seeing each other for a while, but you notice they’re still active on dating apps. Yikes.
Why it matters: Unless you’ve explicitly agreed to keep things casual, this usually means they’re keeping their options open. It could indicate they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are.
9. They Never Ask You Questions
If you find that you’re always the one asking questions and they never seem curious about you, that’s a problem.
Why it matters: A lack of questions often means a lack of interest. Relationships are about give and take – if they’re not putting in the effort to get to know you, they might be self-centered or just not that into you.
10. They’re Negative About Everything
Constant complaining or negativity is exhausting and can be a big red flag.
Why it matters: Negativity is contagious. Someone who’s always focusing on the bad stuff can bring you down and make the relationship a drag. It can also indicate deeper issues like depression or a pessimistic worldview that might not mesh well with yours.
11. They Love-Bomb You
If they’re declaring undying love and talking about your future together on the second date, pump the brakes.
Why it matters: Love-bombing – the practice of showering someone with excessive affection and attention early on – can be a manipulation tactic. It can also be a sign of an unstable personality or someone who falls in and out of “love” quickly.
12. They’re Controlling About Your Appearance
Anyone who tries to dictate what you wear, how you do your hair, or how much makeup you put on is waving a big red flag.
Why it matters: This kind of behavior is controlling and often stems from insecurity. It can be the beginning of more serious controlling behavior down the line.
13. They Gaslight You
If they consistently deny your reality or make you question your own perceptions, that’s gaslighting, and it’s a major red flag.
Why it matters: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It can erode your self-esteem and make you dependent on the gaslighter. It’s manipulative and has no place in a healthy relationship.
14. They Don’t Respect Your Time
Constantly canceling plans at the last minute or expecting you to be available whenever they want? Nope, not okay.
Why it matters: This shows a lack of respect for you and your time. It can also indicate that they don’t value the relationship as much as you do.
15. They’re Secretive About Their Life
If they’re overly secretive about where they live, what they do, or who their friends are, something might be up.
Why it matters: While everyone deserves some privacy, excessive secrecy in a dating relationship can be a sign that they’re hiding something – maybe another relationship or aspects of their life they don’t want you to know about.
16. They Push for Commitment Too Fast
Similar to love-bombing, if they’re pushing for a serious commitment way too soon, it’s time to be cautious.
Why it matters: This can be a sign of desperation or an attempt to lock you down before you get to know the real them. Healthy relationships develop at a natural pace.
17. They’re Always the Victim
If every story they tell paints them as the hapless victim, watch out.
Why it matters: People who never take responsibility for their actions or always see themselves as victims often create drama and may struggle with personal growth.
18. They’re Disrespectful of Your Boundaries
Whether it’s physical, emotional, or related to your time, anyone who consistently disregards your boundaries is showing you a big red flag.
Why it matters: Respecting boundaries is crucial for a healthy relationship. Someone who ignores your boundaries doesn’t respect you and may become increasingly controlling or abusive.
19. They’re Dishonest About Small Things
Little white lies might seem harmless, but they can be a sign of bigger issues.
Why it matters: If someone is comfortable lying about small things, it raises questions about what bigger things they might lie about. Honesty is the foundation of trust in a relationship.
20. They’re Always Broke (And Expect You to Pay)
Financial irresponsibility or always expecting you to foot the bill can be a red flag.
Why it matters: While money troubles can happen to anyone, consistent financial issues or an expectation that you’ll always pay can lead to resentment and stress in the relationship.
21. They’re Judgmental of Your Friends and Family
If your date is overly critical of the important people in your life, take note.
Why it matters: This behavior can be an attempt to isolate you from your support system. It can also indicate a judgmental personality that may turn on you eventually.
22. They Can’t Handle Conflict Maturely
If every disagreement turns into a shouting match or the silent treatment, that’s a problem.
Why it matters: The ability to handle conflict in a healthy way is crucial for a long-term relationship. Someone who can’t discuss disagreements calmly or always resorts to aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior will make for a tumultuous partnership.
23. They Have No Friends of Their Own
While it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker, someone with no close friendships might be raising a little red flag.
Why it matters: A lack of long-term friendships can indicate difficulty maintaining relationships, which could spell trouble for your romantic relationship too. It might also lead to overdependence on you for all their social needs.
24. They’re Still Hung Up on an Ex
If they’re still in frequent contact with an ex or clearly not over a past relationship, proceed with caution.
Why it matters: You deserve someone who’s emotionally available and ready for a new relationship. Someone still entangled with an ex might not be in that place yet.
25. They’re Overly Dependent
If they can’t seem to function without you or expect you to take care of everything for them, that’s a red flag.
Why it matters: Excessive dependence can lead to a suffocating relationship. It’s important for both partners to maintain their independence and have lives outside of the relationship.
26. They Show Signs of Addiction
Untreated addiction issues are a serious red flag in a potential partner.
Why it matters: Addiction can wreak havoc on relationships. Unless they’re actively in recovery and taking it seriously, a relationship with someone struggling with addiction is likely to be chaotic and potentially harmful.
27. They’re Unwilling to Compromise
Relationships involve give and take. If your date always insists on having things their way, that’s a problem.
Why it matters: An inability to compromise often stems from selfishness or rigidity, neither of which bode well for a balanced, healthy relationship.
28. They’re Cruel to Animals
I shouldn’t have to explain this one, but being mean to animals is a massive red flag.
Why it matters: Cruelty to animals often indicates a lack of empathy and can be a predictor of cruelty to humans. Plus, do you really want to date someone who’s mean to puppies? I didn’t think so.
29. They Try to Change You
If your date is constantly suggesting ways you should change or seems to want a different version of you, run!
Why it matters: You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are. Someone trying to change you fundamentally doesn’t really want you – they want their idea of you.
30. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
Last but definitely not least, if being around this person consistently makes you feel worse about yourself, that’s the reddest flag of all.
Why it matters: A good relationship should uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. If you’re constantly feeling down, anxious, or insecure around this person, they’re not the right one for you.
Wrapping It Up
Phew! That was quite a list, wasn’t it? Now, I’m not saying you should run for the hills if you spot one or two of these flags. We’re all human, after all, and nobody’s perfect. The key is to pay attention to patterns and trust your gut.
If you’re seeing multiple red flags, or if one of these issues is persistent and your date shows no interest in addressing it, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Remember, you deserve someone who treats you with respect, values your time and feelings, and makes you feel good about yourself.
Dating should be fun and exciting, not a constant source of stress and doubt. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s behavior or feeling anxious about your relationship, it might be time to step back and reevaluate.
Also, keep in mind that some of these red flags can be more serious than others. Things like disrespecting boundaries, gaslighting, or any form of abuse are never okay and should be taken very seriously.
Ultimately, you know yourself and your situation best. Trust your instincts, value yourself, and don’t be afraid to walk away from a situation that doesn’t feel right. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve someone who makes you feel fantastic.
Here’s to happy, healthy dating! May your flags be green and your romance be red-flag free!
